Happy Vampires

Burning Autumn Leaves
[1950s in St. Paul, Minnesota]

My long steel pointed rake punctured
And twisted through tons of autumn leaves
(back in the ‘50s);
And there’s a hill yet, I didn’t rake, I see
Behind it, two embankments
Leaves I didn’t rake a day ago;
The essence of fall sleeps on the ground.
I love the scent of burning leaves:
I seem to dream of them nowadays.
I cannot shake the excitement I get
From the sight and smells of burning leaves.
Now the city will not allow the burning,
Not sure what can take its place—:
Only wishful thinking and dreaming, I think.

But every leaf that now appears, in autumn
I keep hearing the cracking of the fire see
The flickering-flames of burning leaves; I
Can even smell—-the autumn leaves of long ago.
I have had too much of raking leaves, I do believe—.
I’m now old and tired, too tired to rake those hills;
Yet raking I still desire, not sure why.
There were a thousand days I raked, back then
Held in hand, the rake that struck the earth—
Spiked, into its dirt—capturing those critters (leaves)
Like thieves—: thieves sleeping.

This tiredness of mine will never go away, I fear
It’s called aging, or something, so I will have to find
Another place, to smell the burning autumn leaves;
And perhaps, perchance, do just a ting of raking:
Before the long, long, very long sleep.

#771 7/24/05

In Spanish

Hojas ardientes de otoño
(Los años de 1950 en St. Paúl. Minnesota)

Mi rastrillo de acero largo y puntiagudo pinchó
Y dio vuelta a través de toneladas de hojas
(Atrás en los años 50);
Y hay una colina aún, que no rastrillé, yo veo
Detrás de esto, dos terraplenes
De hojas que yo no rastrille hace un dìa;
La esencia del otoño dormirá sobre el piso.
Me gusta la esencia de las hojas ardiendo;
Yo parezco soñar con ellas estos días.
No puedo sacudirme el entusiasmo que consigo
De la vista y los olores de quemar hojas:
Ahora la ciudad no permitirá quemar,
No seguro de qué puede tomar lugar-:
Solo el optimismo pensando y soñando, Pienso

Pero cada hoja que ahora aparece, en otoño
Yo sigo oyendo el crujir del fuego; veo
El parpadear de las llamas de hojas ardiendo yo
Puedo aún oler- las hojas de otoño de hace tiempo.
He tenido demasiado rastrillando hojas, Yo creo-
Ahora yo estoy viejo y cansado, demasiado cansado

para rastrillar esas colinas;
Aun rastrillando y todavía deseando, no seguro ¿por qué?
Hubo miles de días que rastrillé, atrás entonces
Sosteniendo en la mano, el rastrillo que golpeo la tierra-
Claveteando, dentro de su suciedad- capturando aquellos

bichos (hojas)
Como ladrones-: ladrones durmiendo.

Este cansancio mío no se irá jamás, yo temo

Esto es llamado envejecimiento o vejez, entonces yo tendré

que encontrar
Otro lugar, para oler las hojas ardiendo en otoño;
Y talvez, la posibilidad, de hacer justo un intento de rastrillar:
Antes de largo, largo, muy largo sueño.

#771 7/24/05

Poet Dennis Siluk dennissiluk.tripod.com dennissiluk.tripod.com

Tom Cruise allegedly hired a whole team of babysitters for his children so that he could join his (then) fiancée, Katie Holmes in lengthy gym sessions. They both looked svelte in the wedding photos so it must have worked!

Before fame hit, Little Eva was a regular babysitter for the daughter of Gerry Goffin and Carole King. King was working on a song one day when Eva started to dance. The result was ‘The Loco-Motion’.

Martha Stewart’s daughter, Alexis, has a radio talk show called ‘Whatever with Alexis and Jennifer’. When Jennifer was growing up, her babysitter was actress Phoebe Cates.

Jude Law had an affair with his children’s’ nanny, Daisy Wright, which lost him Sienna Miller. Bet he wished he’d hired Nanny McPhee!

A New York nanny was recently arrested and charged with stealing jewelry - $500,000 worth, from clients including Robert De Niro and Candice Bergen.

Both Robin Williams and ‘Law and Order’ actor, Joe Piscopo married women who had formerly been nannies to their children.

At the Academy Awards, actress Julia Roberts did a ‘to-camera’ Happy Birthday to Marva - the nanny to Julia’s twins, Phinnaeus and Hazel. Marva was allegedly chosen from over 100 applicants. Julia Roberts is rumoured to have conducted interviews and done background and credit checks on all of them. Julia is the reader of the audio version of ‘The Nanny Diaries’.

Author and nanny Tracy Hogg was called the ‘Baby Whisperer’ by her famous clients. She cared for over 5,000 babies including the offspring of Jodie Foster, Cindy Crawford, Michael J. Fox, Calista Flockhart and Jamie Lee Curtis. Tracy sadly died of melanoma aged 44.

Notorious Hollywood ‘Madam’, Heidi Fleiss, worked as a babysitter from the age of 12. She was so good at it that she began a babysitting service, employing her friends to share the load. This was how she first found that she was a good businesswoman!

Billy Crystal’s father managed the Commodore Music Shop on 42nd Street in New York. His uncle founded Commodore Records – a jazz label. Billy grew up surrounded by jazz greats and his babysitter was Billy Holliday!

When Keanu Reeves was a kid, his babysitter was Rock musician Alice Cooper.

As a teenager, actress Gina Davis worked as a babysitter for a famous New York member of ‘the mob’.

‘American Idol’ judge, Paula Abdul was seven years old when Michael Bolton first babysat her. She says that Michael is such a good father today because he got his training while babysitting her!

It’s rumoured that actor Al Lewis (‘Grandpa’ in TV’s The Munsters) once hired the notorious Charles Manson to babysit his sons.

“Quote, unquote”

“The only reason he had a child is so that he can meet babysitters.”

David Letterman talking about Warren Beatty in 1991

“A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theater admission and the babysitter were worth it.”

Alfred Hitchcock

“I babysat for my nephew and it’s not as glamorous as it looks.”

Beyonce Knowles

Visit superbabysitting.com superbabysitting.com for

We often get asked by people “Why would I want to get a custom tattoo design online instead of at my local tattoo parlor″. Many people feel more comfortable at their local parlor and are worried about getting custom tattoo design online. People for a variety of reasons are still worried about purchasing things online. We fully understand the reasoning behind this thinking. However getting a custom tattoo design done online has many benefits over getting one done at your local tattoo shop.

Most local tattoo shops have two or three tattoo artists at the most. So when you go to your local shop and ask them to design a custom tattoo for you you often are limited to only the two artists or so that work at that parlor. Sure this is okay but if you think about it only two artists is pretty limiting. Each tattoo artist has their own unique style it is after all. So you are limited to getting the look and feel of the tattoos artists that work in the shop.

However when you post a job for a custom tattoo design online you will frequently have 5 or more artists all bidding to do the work for you. Having more artists means you are more likely to find a tattoo artists that better fits with the style of tattoo design that you are looking for. Further more as we all know when people compete for your business you get better quality at a lower price. Furthermore online tattoo artists often earn a great deal of their income from custom online tattoo design work and therefore they are eager to make sure you are happy. They also have a great deal of experience in the custom tattoo deign area where at your local tattoo parlor they might not. After getting a custom tattoo design done you can often leave feedback about the work and the artist. You can choose to leave either positive or negative feedback and this ensures that the online tattoo artists will work hard to get the perfect design for you and make sure that you are happy with the product so that you will eave them positive feedback on the site.

Whereas with your local tattoo parlor the artist doesn’t have to compete for your business with other artists and often will not work as hard to please you with the design.

All of these factors help in getting the perfect custom tattoo design of your dreams.

Chris has been running designmytattoos.com/ Design My Tattoos website for the last three months.  He
likes helping people find the custom tattoo designs and where to get them done by professional tattoo artists.
Check out the site and designmytattoos.com/ post a job to get your own custom tattoo design. 
If you are a tattoo artist and would like to earn some extra income go ahead and
sign up as an artists and make some money in your spare time. 
designmytattoos.com/tattoo-design-galleries/Articles/articles.html
Look for more tattoo related articles on the site.

The super talented Smooth Jazz artist Joyce Cooling has released her CD on the Narada recording label, entitled This Girl’s Got To Play.

Refreshingly, this was one of those CDs I was able to just pop in and comfortably listen to from beginning to end. Every track is enjoyable and was pretty easy for me to listen to from start to finish.

This Girl’s Got To Play has a pleasantly varied, mix of 10 tracks that are very well written songs by this clearly outstanding artist.

One of the nicer things about a CD like this is when the talent is this rich even if Smooth Jazz isn’t your favorite genre you still can’t help but appreciate the greatness of the artist.

If you’re even mildly into Smooth Jazz music you’ll enjoy this CD. Overall This Girl’s Got To Play is an a great release. I give it my double thumbs up. You will not be disappointed with one single track.

While the entire CD is outstanding the truly standout tunes are Camelback [track 3], No More Blues [track 4], and This Girl’s Got To Play [track 6].

My SmoothLee Bonus Pick, and the one that got Sore [...as in "Stuck On REpeat"] is track 2, Take Me There. Good stuff!

This Girl’s Got To Play Release Notes:

Joyce Cooling originally released This Girl’s Got To Play on Mar 23, 2004 on the Narada record label.

CD Track List Follows:

1. Expression
2. Take Me There
3. Camelback
4. No More Blues
5. Green Impala
6. This Girl’s Got To Play
7. Toast & Jam
8. Natural Fact
9. The Wizard
10. Talk

Personnel: Joyce Cooling (vocals, acoustic & electric guitars); Jay Wagner (soprano saxophone, keyboards, programming); Bill Ortiz (trumpet, flugelhorn); Ray Obiedo (electric guitar); Jon Evans, Nelson Braxton (bass); Billy Johnson, Louie Rivera, Ala Hall, Rich Aguon (drums); Peter Michael Escovedo, Karl Perazzo (percussion). Recorded at The Clubhouse, San Francisco, California; Werewolf, Oakland, California and PM Studios, Thousand Oaks, California.

Get the information you want on your favorite smooth jazz songs and artists at

Lloyd Alexander is one of the most well known authors of children’s fantasy novels. Over his lifetime he wrote more than forty books. The series he is most famous for is the Prydain Chronicles.

Lloyd was born January 30, 1924, in Philadelphia, PA. Though his parents didn’t read books, he had an aunt who read to him often. He learned to read by the age of three. By age thirteen he tried his hand at poetry, and at age fifteen he decided to be an author. His parents were horrified at the idea, wanting him to choose a real career, but he chose to follow his dreams. Lloyd read Shakespeare, Dickens, and Mark Twain. As his favorite authors, they influenced him greatly.

Lloyd worked as a messenger boy for a bank until he had saved enough money to quit and enter a local college. However, he only stayed for a single term before dropping out and joining the U.S. Army during WWII. He was frustrated with school and wanted to seek adventures to inspire his writing. While training in Wales he fell in love with the country’s landscape and language. The Welsh mythology later inspired the Prydain Chronicles. He considered King Arthur one of his heroes.

Lloyd Alexander met Janine Denni in Paris at the end of the war. They married and settled in Drexel, Pennsylvania.

It took seven years of rejections until Lloyd’s first book got accepted for publication. His early books were based on his own life – the struggles of a young author seeking publication (And Let the Credit Go) and his cats (My Five Tigers). His first children’s fantasy novel was Time Cat: The Remarkable Journeys of Jason and Gareth.

He went on to win many awards:
Black Cauldron - 1966 Newbery Honor Book; Child’s Study Association for America’s Children’s Books of the Year.
The High King - Newbery Medal in 1969; also finalist for American Book Award AND National Book Award; Child’s Study Association for America’s Children’s Books of the Year.
The Marvelous Misadventures of Sebastian - National Book Award 1971.
Westmark - The American Book Award in 1982.
Taran Wanderer - School Library Journal Best Book of the Year 1967.
The Fortune-Tellers – 1992 Boston Globe-Horn Book Award.
The World Fantasy Award for Life Achievement (2003).

On May 17, 2007, Lloyd Alexander died from cancer, just two weeks after his wife died. They were married for 62 years.

Lloyd’s final book, The Golden Dream of Carlo Chuchio, will be released Aug. 7, 2007. After he wrote it he said, “I have finished my life’s work.”

The first book of his that I read was The Book of Three. I loved it and delved into his other writings. The Prydain Chronicles gave me and my siblings much to talk about. I connected with characters and cried at the end of the series. I didn’t want to say goodbye to them. Later I read Time Cat, which was inspired by the mysterious acts of his own cat – it would disappear for days at a time, but then turn up acting as if it had never been gone at all.

It is sad to have such a wonderful writer gone from this world. He will be remembered.

Mary W. Jensen is an author on

Christian music has been enjoyed for centuries by those interested in an alternative to secular music. Christian music is mostly written to express one’s belief in their religious lifestyle, and offers listeners a chance for learning, worship and an overall listening experience in accordance to their Christian beliefs. Christian music has become very popular throughout the years and can now be classified into a number of different categories. We will examine some of the more popular genres of today’s Christian music.

Contemporary

Contemporary music literally covers all genres of new age Christian music, but is most commonly associated with a new movement of Christian music that has alternative rock, pop, and country sounds. The contemporary movement began in the 1960s, with this type of music then referred to as Jesus music. Some Christians dispute whether or not the contemporary tones fit into their religion, but contemporary is a popular genre that gives Protestant listeners an alternative faith-based style of music. The growth of contemporary styles has been strong since the mid 1990s, and newer artists and subgenres help to continue the expansion of Christian music.

Hip Hop

The words hip hop don’t exactly bring images of Jesus to one’s mind, but Christian rappers have attempted to change that. Sometimes called gospel rap, Christian hip hop is a refreshing alternative to secular rap music. Christian rap was started in the late 1980s and became increasingly popular throughout the late twentieth century because it offered an uplifting listening experience for youth with good beats and positive lyrics. Gospel rap allows urban neighborhoods to celebrate their faith while listening to a style of music they have been accustomed to and enjoy.

Gospel

If gospel music does not fill your sole with spirit, then I am not sure what can! Gospel music is uplifting, inspiring, and fun to listen to. When most think of gospel music, churches in the south come to mind. In fact, gospel music has been thought to have started during times of slavery in the late 1800s. The genre of gospel became more defined and gained popularity in the first quarter of the twentieth century, and is now listened to worldwide. Gospel music is known for its strong vocals surrounded by electric guitars, bass, and drums. Gospel music thrives today and is certainly considered a staple of Christian music.

Christian Rock

Christian rock music covers a lot of ground with many different subgenres contained within the rock category. The “sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll” explosion in the 1960s certainly made many Christians wary of jumping into the rock scene, but by the early 1970s Christian rock bands began to separate themselves from a demonic image, and instead produced Christian lyrics with rock tones. Today many bands are considered Christian rock artists, some more devoted to the Christian title than others. Although some might not realize this, the band U2 was a catalyst for Christian rock in the 1990s based on their enormous success beginning in the 1980s.

This is hardly a complete list of Christian music genres, but sampling some of these genres will give you a good taste of the great listening Christian music offers. Finding your favorite genre is important and will certainly enhance your experience. Being able to listen to your favorite Christian bands at home or on the go is a relaxing way to worship throughout the day.

Justin Palmer runs the online store for C28.com where you can find bold c28.com Christian t-shirts, clothing, shirts, music and more for guys, gals, and kids. The C28 Christian music store has the hottest selection of today’s Christian music CDs in rock, pop, hardcore, and upcoming c28.com/new-christian-music-store.asp new Christian music bands. Listen to samples and see other’s ratings.

Released 1991 White Records/Distributed by BMG Records

With the first cut of this CD simply entitled DAVID, the listener is transported to sandy beaches as they relax in a hammock and listen to ‘Do The Limbo Dance’. Then, just as quickly, David Hasselhoff whisks them away to a smoky clearing in the forest as they watch the dance of a ‘Gipsy Girl’ whirling around a night fire. The smell of the smoke actually tinges my nostrils.

That is how powerful I found the images evoked by the lyrics and Hasselhoff’s voice. It didn’t matter that I was walking along a city street on a warm sunny afternoon with traffic speedy by as I listened to this CD on my daily walks. In my mind’s eye, I was far away from my Canadian city. For four minutes and eleven seconds I was even in Casablanca.

One thing that has always impressed me with all of Hasselhoff’s music is the emotion he manages to portray with every song especially since he does not have any writing credit. I am certain that he must have some input though when there is a song entitled ‘Taylor Ann’, the name of his first daughter, and talks of a young child discovering the world. But David’s emotions come through in every song.

My two favorite songs however are ‘In Stereo’ and ‘Hands Up For Rock ‘n Roll’ because the writers could have been describing me. But I swear I have never met anyone involved with this CD. Yet I am the type that everywhere I go, ‘there is music all around’ and for whatever is ailing me ‘I can always cure it with some rock and roll.’

DAVID is a fun CD, that’s the good news. The bad news is that I bought it off of Ebay so it might be difficult to find. But if you can find it, buy it. It is great to listen and dance to. I danced up and down the street numerous times, just ask my neighbors.

Karen Magill

Author of ‘The Bond, A Paranormal Love Story’ and the soon to be released ‘Let Us Play, A Rock ‘n Roll Love Story’.

karenmagill.com karenmagill.com lulu.com/karenmagill lulu.com/karenmagill myspace.com/thebondbykarenmagill myspace.com/thebondbykarenmagill

“Catch Me If You Can” is the very funny and amazing true story of Frank Abignale, Jr., a young man who cleverly cheats banks out of some four million dollars by age 19 by forging checks and posing as an airline pilot, a doctor, and a lawyer. Leonardo DiCaprio does a great acting job as Frank, as does Tom Hanks as Carl Henratty, an FBI agent and bank fraud specialist who catches onto Frank’s crimes and goes after him.

Frank Abignale, Sr. gets in trouble with the IRS in 1963 for income tax evasion. His wife divorces him and Frank Jr., their 16-year-old son, runs away from home. Frank Jr. then turns to a life of crime involving writing forged checks and disguising his identity by acting as an airline pilot, then a doctor and a lawyer. Frank uses what he’s watched on TV and in the movies to act out the parts.

After several fleeting sexual encounters, Frank meets and falls in love with a young woman named Brenda. He even proposes to her before telling her the truth.

Carl Henratty (Hanks) catches on to Frank and begins pursuing him. Several times, Frank manages to get away from him, however. Eventually Carl catches him in France and turns him over to the authorities. Frank spends three years in prison in France and is then transferred to the United States aboard an airplane. Frank manages to escape from the bathroom of the plane, however, just before the plane lands.

Eventually Carl catches Frank again, but this time, instead of sending him back to jail, he decides to have him work with him as a bank fraud investigator. Frank and Carl end up becoming good friends and various companies pay Frank millions of dollars for his services.

yourmoviepal.com/movies/Daves-Top-Movies-List/Catch-Me-If-You-Can.html Catch Me If You Can - Dave’s Top Movies

Each person has a lifetime of stories to share. As a child of divorce, I got to know my father when I was 16. That was the summer he shared his love of guitar and music with me: I heard the stories of his wonderful, musical life.

I spent many evenings listening to dad play, the music he wrote and the pieces that had inspired him, stories of his musical past spinning in the air like sparks from a campfire. We talked music theory like it was tabloid gossip and we made music together until the sun was long past set and our fingers were worn.There were some stories I never learned and I suppose he always thought there’d be time to eventually share all the details that made his past up.

I sometimes wonder what interested him in guitar and how old he was when he first strummed the strings: E A D G B E. I suppose he learned it from his mother when he could barely speak, as she herself played. There are old recordings with the children strumming vaguely familiar German folk songs, singing words I don’t understand.

I frequently imagine my teenaged father at the end of a line, flanked by his six younger siblings lined up tallest to smallest, all of them dressed in clothes made from drapes. I’ve added the dramatic climax where he decided to leave the family production, making a symbollic and shocking leap from "The Sound of Music" to "A Hard Day’s Night."

Dad did share the story of the time in his life when he discovered the raw sounds of the Beatles and Led Zeppelin in the 60’s and abandoned his classical studies. Around that time he left home and met my mother. He grew his hair out and learned the chords to songs that made his parents’ toes curl. He must have mellowed with age, because I "met him" again he had returned to his classical roots.

Dad always had a quirky dream to play an electric guitar with a large classical width neck, a Frankenstein of an instrument that would merge his love of classical and classic rock. So for two years he and I watched a luthier turn a shapeless chunk of wood into a stunning instrument. My father loved that guitar like a soulmate and played it for hours at a time. Then for a long time his heart wasn′t in it and the guitar gathered the dust of loneliness.

Cancer came into his life and the guitar was summned to duty again, it was his life jacket. He played his music on good days and the guitar waited when he was too weak. Last September it was displayed beside a wreath of flowers and my father’s ashes. It returned to its case and wasn’t played since.

As I grieve from losing my father, I am consoled by the stories other people have about my father. My mother recently shared her story from a time when she and he were first married and before I was born. She described how he sat cross-legged and hunched over in their tiny apartment, leaning into his guitar and strumming softly. Mom says he always had a distant look of concentration as he played his way through a song, like a scientist bent over a microscope working things out. I know that face.

That is how I remember him best, playing his music.

Losing my father made me aware that every family has a thousand stories bursting to shared. It was time for me to share my father’s stories with my four-year-old son, Ryan. Time for him to understand our love for music and why I wept at night.

It was like the guitar was waiting for me this whole time, hoping I would pluck its heavy strings and pull out the notes that were my father’s life. I picked it up and held it close; so much heavier than my hollow little violin. Large fingerprints on the varnish that won’t be imprinted ever again, a scent of cigarette smoke in the leather strap. I fumbled over a few chords I learned from watching him play so many summers ago.

Ryan watched mesmerized, a familiar intensity filled his eyes and he understood what I was sharing with him. His sweet, compassionate voice swept away my pain as he asked gently &quotcan I play Grandpa’s guitar, please?&quot

**Rhiannon Schmitt (nee Nachbaur) is a professional violinist and music teacher who has enjoyed creative writing for years. She writes for two Canadian publications and Australia’s “Music Teacher Magazine.”

Her business, Fiddleheads Violin School & Shop, has won several distinguished young entrepreneur business awards and offers beginner to professional level instruments, accessories and supplies for very reasonable prices: Visit fiddleheads.ca fiddleheads.ca

In case you were holed up in a mud hut in Namibia with Angelina Jolie this past weekend Phil Mickelson just won the Players Championship at Pontiff Vedra Beach Florida. Meanwhile Pope Benedict XVI was in Brazil canonizing the first ever Brazilian Saint the 18th century Brazilian Friar Antonio Galvao. Friar Tuck was noted for teaching Robin Hood to begin his downswing by tucking his right elbow into his right side.

Brazilians try to cure cancer by swallowing Friar Galvao pills, pieces of paper with prayers written on them. Half the rainforest was cut down so that Brazilians could swallow pieces of paper with the words “Dear Jesus please help me to cure my slice.” After the Players Championship at Sawgrass Phil Mickelson took the yellow 18th flag and wrote upon it, “Butch, the 1st of many! Phil Mickelson.” Amy Mickelson was not on 18 to greet Phil Mickelson because she was back home in Rancho Santa Fe California unable to cancel her Brazilian appointment.

Friar Galvao was a famous counselor. Butch Harmon is the former counselor of Tiger Woods. Three weeks ago Phil Mickelson excommunicated his long time swing coach Rick Smith and hired Butch Harmon. Butch Harmon told Phil Mickelson that he needed to be more conservative like Pope Benedict XVI. Phil Mickelson won 30 PGA golf tournaments and two Masters hitting the ball sideways because he overswung. This weekend in Brazil Pope Bendict XVI called for an end to swinging and a return to traditional family values. Pope Benedict XVI attacked the media for ridiculing the sanctity of marriage and virginity before marriage. Based upon his note to Butch Harmon the 36 year old Phil Mickelson seems to think that this was his maiden victory.

Elisangela do Nascimento a 33 year old divorced housewife from Sao Paulo said that when it came to divorce “this Pope is a little too rigid.” Speaking of rigidity, recently the Vatican declared that anyone criticising Pope Benedict XVI would be deemed a terrorist. Phil Mickelson declared that “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Boxing has not had a white heavyweight champion since John L. Sullivan in 1892. John L. Sullivan fought for $250. Golf had been an exclusively white game until Tiger Woods came along and threatened the majors’ record of the golden bear. Everyone hated the golden bear for dethroning the King and now many golfers including Don Imus harbor resentment against Tiger Woods for dethroning the golden bear. In the meantime while Pope Benedict is rushing off to Rio to save the world by protesting against abortion the real bears are forced to eat their young because 1 billion Catholics have been party to melting the Arctic Icecaps. When the melting Antarctica causes the earth’s 1 sea to rise permanently 50 feet and Sawgrass becomes the lost continent of Atlantis the USGA may be forced to amend the rules.

Watching Phil Mickelson split the fairways on Sunday white America had an onrushing dream of Phil Mickelson becoming the great white hope and winning the next 10 majors. With his Bobby Jones haircut and swagger white America is now salivating at the thought of Phil Mickelson winning the real grand slam. The Tiger Slam is like hitting for the cycle by hitting a home run and a single in one game and a double and a triple in the next game. It’s like kissing your brother. Watching Phil Mickelson and Butch Harmon embrace after Phil’s victory on Sunday one had to wonder if Amy Mickelson’s absence was due to more than a sudden world wide drought of bees wax.

Two years ago Phil Mickelson hired a rocket scientist named Dave Pelz to teach him how to chip and putt. Apparently Rick Smith was unfamiliar with this aspect of the game. Phil went from choking every clutch 3 footer to never missing inside 10 feet when Dave Pelz mentioned that Phil was taking his putter back closed. Now Phil has gone from spraying his driver into the trees to splitting the fairway because Butch Harmon told him that if he stopped straightening his right leg on the backswing and kept his right knee firm and flexed it would stop his backswing at parallel instead of looking like the Walter Hagen of our time John Daly at the top. This one swing tip may finally restore the Ryder Cup to American soil.

Dave Pelz says that in science when someone develops a theory it is published world wide and criticised by every scientist on earth to determine its viability. The Vatican has declared that anyone criticising Pope Benedict XVI will be deemed to be a terrorist. Osama bin Laden is a terrorist. The Christian Bible ends with these words of John: “I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this book. If anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city. The one who testifies to these things says, ‘Surely I am coming soon.’ Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints. Amen.”

God helps those who help themselves. Had Phil Mickelson waited for some Divine Revelation to fix his driver and putter he would never have won a green jacket. If the people of earth wait for a mythical messiah to clean up their mess and bring peace to earth instead of doing it themselves then they will be doomed to the same watery grave which Sean O’Hair found himself lying in on the Island Green last Sunday afternoon.

Karen Fish is a writer currently living in Los Angeles California.
The Temple of Love thetempleoflove.com thetempleoflove.com